“Almost Edward Norton”
My name is Connor
That’s with two “o”s and no “e”
I mumble, shuffle, out of the backroom
There is a line at the register
Caffeine deprived, squint-eyed zombies
Checking watches, flipping open cell phones
They need to contribute
To our massive assembly line of drones
Office types, suits and retail clerks
I’m pretentious to say this
Because I make less in an hour than it costs
For a cup of this Starbucks
This will make my fifth job in a year
(sixth if you count the sunglasses shop
But they were humorless psychos)
My car has been with me seven years
But it’s really a gamble day by day
If my roommate was talented,
Good looking and rich, he could be Edward Norton
But he’s not any of those things
And he’s not really even that nice
He talks to girls online and that is the only thing we share
Neither of us has an honest-to-goodness girlfriend
Maybe if he were Edward Norton, he’d get one
My family consists of headstones
And a brother
My brother might as well be a headstone too
For all of the conversations we’ve had,
(Since Mum’s funeral) nine years, three months, two days ago
I dream of being interviewed by Diane Sawyer
In the dream she tells me I have four homes
A private jet and a Jag and a family
And I can drink all the Starbucks I want
From the good news side of the desk
Because I’m Edward Norton and things are good
Norton has two “o”s and no “e”
My name is Connor
That’s with two “o”s and no “e”
I mumble, shuffle, out of the backroom
There is a line at the register
Caffeine deprived, squint-eyed zombies
Checking watches, flipping open cell phones
They need to contribute
To our massive assembly line of drones
Office types, suits and retail clerks
I’m pretentious to say this
Because I make less in an hour than it costs
For a cup of this Starbucks
This will make my fifth job in a year
(sixth if you count the sunglasses shop
But they were humorless psychos)
My car has been with me seven years
But it’s really a gamble day by day
If my roommate was talented,
Good looking and rich, he could be Edward Norton
But he’s not any of those things
And he’s not really even that nice
He talks to girls online and that is the only thing we share
Neither of us has an honest-to-goodness girlfriend
Maybe if he were Edward Norton, he’d get one
My family consists of headstones
And a brother
My brother might as well be a headstone too
For all of the conversations we’ve had,
(Since Mum’s funeral) nine years, three months, two days ago
I dream of being interviewed by Diane Sawyer
In the dream she tells me I have four homes
A private jet and a Jag and a family
And I can drink all the Starbucks I want
From the good news side of the desk
Because I’m Edward Norton and things are good
Norton has two “o”s and no “e”
..........................................................................................................................................................
